Persevere

I had a breakdown today. You know, one of those full on crying in public for an extended period of time episodes. The cable guy, with a very concerned look, had to ask me if I was ok-- as I sat in the photo center at CVS sobbing while Katlyn stood beside me, and Ali lay on the floor next to me screaming.

It was picturesque--it really was. I'm certain everyone that walked past thought, "What the heck is wrong with that lady?" But I was past the point of caring what they thought, and past the point of being able to control my emotions. I was defeated. It was 1pm, and I had spent the last 5 hours attempting to get pics off my phone for a project Andrew has due in the morning. It (my phone) is the only source of pics I have right now and after hours of searching and dowloading apps, and receiving error after error, I restarted my phone one more time, only to be told that my memory had been compromised and I'd pretty much lost everything---insert point of breakdown--in the photo center--in the middle of CVS.

Now I'm certain, and you could probably guess, that my breakdown was not just the upset of a 6th grade social studies project. It was more a culmination of stresses which in that moment, came together and overwhelmed my somewhat fragile feeling. Yes, Colonel Mustard, I know. It's about time I get a new feeling!

So what did I do that got me from the CVS public cryfest to here? Well first, I took the girls to the car and cried some more. Then I prayed and restarted my phone again. Then we marched back into CVS --not even a little ashamed, and after another hour we marched back out with our photos in hand. We picked up Andrew, put together a project and fixed dinner.

Persrverance: The quality that allows someone to continue trying to do something even though it is difficult.

Do you know the key to perseverance?

Work!

It is ok (well Colonel Mustard might disagree) to break down and cry SO LONG AS you pick yourself up and GET TO WORK!

An invaluable lesson taught to me by my unethical, child labor weilding, nazi parents. And I couldn't be more grateful.

When everything is falling apart at the seams, and I feel like I can't go on, their voices in my head chide me to get to work and focus on accomplishing the few things I have the control to change. Somehow, this action of exerting effort has the unseen ability to affect change in areas of which you have little or no control. Or maybe you are just busy and forget your problems until they solve themselves. The former explanation sounded more poetic though!

Thanks Mom and Dad. People might think I'm crazy, but one way or another, I can get it done.

So here's praying that I am a mean enough Mom to give my children the tools they need to pick themselves up off the floor at CVS and take care of business!

**And don't tell your father you were on the floor at CVS--ain't nobody got time for that!

Picture Updates...Just because

Just because...and just because I'm ill motivated today, feeling a little down and lost, and generally don't know what exactly I should be doing. So instead I'll ignore it all today, and while my muffins bake, I'll post some pictures to make me feel happy!

Girls' Nap Day

Last Day on the bus in Ohio.

The Long Timeout

Ava Ballerina

The Best of Fall

Conjoined Twins

Big Girl Hair

The Monkeys and the Ape

Movie is over.

Show me your moves

Family pic at Hill Cumorah

Family pic at Niagra Falls

My New Do

That's all she wrote.

Wish I were a toddler

Nine

Ethan turned nine today--his last year in the single digits. (sniff, sniff) I'm telling you--I don't care what anyone says-- every year goes by so much faster than the last--it's sad.

My favorite little story about Ethan this year:

Before we left Ohio, a member of the Primary Presidency said that she would really miss my kids--especially Ethan. She said--I don't know what it is about him, but he has such a glow. When he walks in the room it's almost like the room lights up!

Not to discount the wonderfulness of my other kids--they are wonderful as well but I thought two things when she said that.

1. I was flattered that Ethan has made that impression on her.
2. I wasn't really surprised.

It's true. One of Ethan's talent's is his ability to bring peace and joy into a room just by being there. His love and concern for other people truly shines through his eyes. I certainly hope the he can begin to recognize this gift as he gets older. His influence for good can be far reaching if he will only believe in himself.

On to the Birthday festivities.

Ethan asked for a shark cake for his Birthday.

Giving the shark a taste of his own medicine.

Spanking line!

The opening of the gifts! 

Happy Birthday to our favorite nine year old! I love that you're a slow grower. Please stay that way so I can have little Ethan for just a while longer. 

Deep Thoughts...

When you drive through a town and every shopping center has a liquor store, one comes to certain conclusions.

My conclusion: One must be drunk to stand living in this town. Yes...
I could see how that might be necessary. 

Halloween Really Really Late

We did celebrate Halloween this year. We celebrated twice- both early. This year Ethan picked our theme. One of these years, I'm actually going to convince Colonel Mustard to participate so we can have cool costumes too!

We went Greek. Greek Gods and Goddesses that is. Aphrodite, Zues---I'd name more but I had to think long and hard on Halloween what their names were--now I've forgotten again.

 I'll call them the Toga Boys and the Muses!

I don't know if I'll ever get a really good picture of these kids again. Someone always looked mad, or cross eyed, or stoned. Oh well--I guess if they all make it in the picture it's a success--of sorts!

The actual Halloween day was spent doing this.

And that is why I'm so behind posting Halloween. I've been a little preoccupied trying to get internet--and a cell phone signal--apparently those don't exist here.

The Hardest Part

If you ask a Mother, "What is the hardest part of parenting?" you will likely receive a handful of answers depending the age of her children.

Topping the list for many young mothers--potty training. Seriously--who really enjoys that task? Close seconds include pregnancy, birthing, breastfeeding, sleepless nights, and two year old temper tantrums (at present I have two of those--one screaming in her room and one throwing herself on the floor here next to me.)

 In the early years, a mother is a caretaker. An exhausted overworked nurse, problem solver, teacher, human milking machine, sanitation worker, chef, etc. etc. So naturally, when we think of the burdens of motherhood, our mind shifts to this physical marathon that occurs during the early years of a child's life. And rightfully so. The extremely demanding nature of these years is not to be discounted.
However, as a mother matures, and the potty training days are behind her, I think the really painful work of motherhood begins.

Last night, Colonel Mustard and I sat in our first middle school parent teacher conference for Andrew. It was a bit daunting to sit at a table with his four core teachers around the table and the parents on one end. It was the first time Colonel Mustard had ever accompanied me to a parent teacher conference, and I found myself grateful not to be the only one sitting there. As our short conference unfolded, we discussed his progress in school and then the focus shifted to his situation in life and the challenges that has presented. I saw concern from his teachers as we discussed the immediate future challenges he would be facing at such a delicate and precarious point in his life. I left satisfied, that at the moment, he was as intact as we could hope for.

As we left the school and began the 20 minute drive home, I couldn't help but start to cry as I pondered the predicament our oldest son was in. I so desperately wanted to take away the challenges and struggles he was facing and would continue to face. However, I was deeply impressed with two facts.

1) I am completely unable to stop the events that are unfolding in his life.
2) Even if I could change his circumstances, I would be doing him a disservice  by taking away the opportunity for him to grow and become who he is suppose to be.

And that's when it hit me. THIS is the hardest part of being a mother. It is not the endless marathon of early childhood that makes a mother who she is. That marathon works to break her down, to humble her, to prepare her to submit herself to a will that is not her own. To realize that moment when her job is to step back and allow Heavenly Father to take the child she has so lovingly cared for, and make them into something more--something far greater than she could have made by herself. It is not a physical marathon anymore. It is a spiritual marathon, and it is far longer--for it lasts the rest of your life.

It provides a glimpse of the divine as our Father in Heaven prepared his spirits, gave them their agency, sent them to earth and had to sit back and watch them suffer trails he couldn't take away, in order for them to grow and become worthy to return to his presence one day.

I am in a partnership with God. And last night, I realized I have taken the next step in becoming more like him. I too must suffer the burden of allowing my children to grow--and I am so grateful to know that I'm not in it alone--because This, is really hard work.

Unsolicited Help

Unsolicited Help?? What is that? When a child chooses to clean something in the house without being asked to do so? I didn't think it ever happened....and then tonight...it did!!

While the girls were in the hall doing this...

Andrew was in their room doing this.

I was so excited he cleaned someone else's room without being asked I could have kissed him! BUT...he wouldn't let me.

Now only one question remains....Exactly what is it that he wants??!!