An Independence Day Reflection

Obviously, I'm a few days late for the celebration. That's because I was thinking. I was thinking, and trying to get myself out of a funk.

The Fourth of July used to be one of my favorite holidays. Dog days of summer, watermelon, flip flops, swimming pools, popsicles, barbecues, flags flying, family, fireworks, and most of all the celebration of a country that my parents taught me to love. But now it's my turn to create the magic--to host the barbecue, fix the picnic, get the fireworks and instill a love for America in my kids.

But every year, I am fighting harder and harder to celebrate the Fourth of July. How can I celebrate the birth of a Nation, a Nation I dearly love, while I sit on the sidelines and witness it's death? How can I teach my children to love an America that almost doesn't exist anymore?  And so, the Fourth of July has become more somber for me. Get the work done, watch the fireworks, and go to bed--hoping the celebration was not too mediocre for my kids.

This Fourth of July, we got home late from watching fireworks and went to bed. We got up a little late the next morning and rushed off to church. And then at the end of sacrament services, something magical happened for me. We were asked to stand and sing the Star Spangled Banner. I always love to sing the Star Spangled Banner, but in public, we almost never hear anything but the first verse of the song. I would dare say that a great portion of the population doesn't even know other verses of the song exist. But this Sunday, as we sang this beautiful hymn, the third verse made a deep impression in my heart.

Before I share that verse, let me share with you a little background. I used to work for a Senator from the state of Wyoming. Being a small state, our offices were small and often, we filled multiple roles. One of the projects I was asked to take on was U.S. Capitol Tours. Usually, the interns gave tours to the constituents, but my chief of staff told me I could either learn and train the interns--or I could give the tours myself. I chose the latter and it was by far, the highlight of my job. One of my favorite places to take constituents, was into one of the Capitol's hallways where a huge painting hung at the bottom of the stairs. It was the painting of Francis Scott Key called "By Dawn's Early Light."

I loved the history, the story, of how our national anthem came to be. I often imagined how it would feel to be on a ship, waiting for the morning light to reveal if our beloved young country would fall to the adversary or if the flag would still be flying over the Fort as a sign that indeed, it had survived the battle.
 Sunday, as we sang, I realized that the third verse of Francis Scott Key's song was not about that battle--not the battle that was happening in 1814.

Oh, thus be it ever,

When free men shall stand,

Between their loved homes,

and the war's desolation!

Blest with victory and peace,

May the heav'n recued land,

Praise the Power that hath made,

And preserved us a nation!

Then conquer me must,

When our cause it is just,

And this be our motto:

"In God is our trust!"

And the star spangled banner,

in triumph shall wave,

O'er the land of the free,

And the home of the brave!

The battle for this Country is real. It has already begun. Not only do other nations seek to destroy this "heav'n rescued land," but many inside our own borders seek to destroy it as well. The blessing of the gospel---we know how the story ends. We know it will be a long hard battle. We know the adversary will think he is winning. We will feel at times, that we are sitting in a dark boat out on the water, unsure of what we could possibly do to influence the outcome.The night will be long and lonely. But we know the morning will come. It may not be in my lifetime or yours, but the morning will come. And when it comes, that Flag, no matter how tattered and worn, will rise, once again, as an ensign to the nations.

So I will not despair. I will go forward with faith. I will recommit myself to celebrate the birth of this beautiful Nation. I will teach my children to celebrate it. To love it. To fight for what that Flag stands for. For they are blessed with a rich history of freedom that they MUST protect--for if they do, God WILL bless America.

Twin Sleep

Tot and Ruby (aka Katlyn and Allison) still do not sleep through the night. They are three. I am VERY tired. Most of the time they either fall asleep in our bed and are put in theirs, or the just sleep in our bed.

Why is this still happening at three you ask??

Becuase I'm VERY tired.

And because these girls have very different sleeping needs from my other children. I have learned that these two just must have contact with another body to sleep well. Not just in the same bed... but touching someone. They have no sense of personal space. Actually, I've learned to fall asleep with little legs all over me and often, little hands all over my face. It's a bit claustrophobic at times.

In our bed, they sleep on either side of me. In their bed, they sleep on either end of a twin mattress. So....they are never put to sleep very close to one another.  However, they always find a way to be touching each other in their sleep.The following are just a few of the "good morning" pictures we have taken of them.

Deep Thoughts....

I made a decision with my heart that I couldn't justify to my head.....So, I made a decision with my head, and now I can't rectify it with my heart.

If I only knew...

I tucked Tot in her bed last night after she fell asleep in mine. In her pile of blankets I grabbed one, and it happened to be the beautiful blanket that was given to her when she spent Christmas in the hospital. And I thought..... you know, I was at a very low stressful point when that blanket was given to her....and then the next two years happened.

Moral of the story:

If you didn't like the trial you're in, don't worry......you'll get a new one.....and you won't like it either! Buck up! This ain't a vacation--It's life. Get on that Bull and ride!

He says....

Mom, I  think my hair  is getting  thick above my lip--it bothers me like something  is there.

Me: ( inspecting his upper lip.) Hate to break  it to you kid--there's  nothin' there.

Yes there is- I  can feel it. 

Me: let me get my camera and show you.

Me: see- nothin' there but peach fuzz. You ain't  that old yet.

(for real?? Heaven help. No one warned me that right after I  had that first little baby we'd  be discussing puberty!)

Three

Our little babies are THREE today! The last year with these two girls has been so fun and they have changed a ton. They are growing and catching up so well. When they turned two, their communication consisted of mostly crying and signing "potty." Now at three, their communication consists mostly of crying.....and a lot of talk talk talking!  (did you want me to lie and say they didn't cry to get their way anymore??!)

Some fun facts about Allison and Katlyn at 3

They never get called Allison and Katlyn unless a stranger asks me their name. Allison is Ali or Ruby and Katlyn is Tot or Tater. I don't think they will outgrow the nicknames--Tot doesn't  even know her name is Katlyn.

They STILL don't sleep through the night. And they still sleep in my bed almost every night. It has been many moons since I've had a good night's sleep.

They are both big snugglers. Tot moreso than Ali, but I'm not complaining. I love the cuddles--even at night...except when the cuddles become kicks...in the face.

They are still almost the exact same size. Crazy to me since they are fraternal-- It thought they would be very different by now. They stay within 3/4 of a lb and 1/4 of an inch all the time. I wonder if this will change as they get older?

They LOVE dress up. After they are done hanging on me from 8am-noon, they spend their time in and out of the dress up box changing outfits and refilling the purses they carry around with them. We often find them eating ans sleeping in various princess outfits and accessories.

They are the highlight of our home. The entertainment factor is pretty cute with two three year olds around!

Pics from their big day.

They wanted an Elmo and Cookie Monster cake. 

Sharing the present opening duty. They do fight over things, but their ability to share and cooperate with each other is unmatched. Twin blessing.

Finally! Big girl bikes.

Tiniest little bikes I've ever seen. They loved them!

Happy Birthday girls. We have loved every moment of the last three years and can't wait for more fun!

Serenity

Dear Florida and Arizona--I briefly apologize for all the mean things I've said about your endless summers--- as I scraped ice and snow off cars in the frozen tundra this morning. However.....no amount of palm tree or sunny beaches could ever compare to the peaceful serenity of the sun rising on a frozen snow covered landscape. I'm fairly certain it's as close to a morning walk with God as you can come in this life.