You know, for 9 long months you carry a child inside you and dream and imagine what they'll be like. Unfortunately, most of my imaginings are worries about the kid. Will they be ugly? Will they be too short or too tall? Will they be bald? Will they be ugly? I said that twice didn't I?-- It is a worry I always have! By the end of the pregnancy I'm pretty confident I know what kind of baby I'll be getting. The boys were like that for me. Everything I expected without all the things I had worried about-- well except for Andrew's conehead-- it was a sight to behold, but fortunately it didn't last long!
Ava, on the other hand, was nothing I expected. I was reminded of that when I went to get her dressed today. (I shared this with a couple of you- so please forgive the repeat of my thoughts). I pulled out an outfit I bought for her "coming home outfit." You see, I had Ava figured for a 9lb. baby so I bought her a 0-3month outfit to come home in. As I dressed her in it and pinned up the back so it wouldn't fall off her shoulders, I had a funny thought. Wow- it's so strange to have this child I couldn't imagine any different, but never would have thought before she came that she would be like she is.
Now I've spent the rest of the day looking at my boys and Ava wondering what surprises they have up their sleeve. Who are these spirits that were sent to live in my home? Will Andrew be a politician or a garbage man? Will Ethan be a stalky 5'6" like I suspect, or will he surprise me and outgrow Andrew altogether? Will Ava marry young and have children like me, or will she choose a different path in life?
I could go on and on with my deeper thoughts about their futures, but it just made me realize how little control I have over who these little ones are, and who they are to become.
I'm sure many mothers have had similar experiences and then, looking back years later, have said, "who would have thought." For now I'll enjoy looking forward with anticipation that one day, when I look back, they'll have become a little of what I expected, and lot more than I could have hoped for.
Ava's "coming home" (6 months later) outfit!
2 years ago