Monday, August 31, 2009

6 year old Thank You

Want to know what happens when you give a six year old some cards and tell him to write thank you notes for his Birthday presents?

Charming, isn't he? Grandma and Grandpa-- you'll be receiving this in the mail. Hope you enjoy!

(translation for anyone who can't read "Thank you for the card and the $20 bill. My mom and dad won't let me spend it because they're punks. Love Andrew"-- OK, so I had to correct his spelling a little-- I'll cut him some slack-- he's six!)

Monday, August 24, 2009

Banana Bread

I never knew that craving food could be so mentally exhausting. Usually... I want it, I make it, and I eat it--good to go. This morning proved to be more trying than our weekend excursion at Outback Steakhouse, where I begged the waitress not to spit in my food that was such a pain in the butt to make.
All I wanted was some banana bread--and I wanted it bad. so I thought to myself,

"Hmmm....maybe I could try out that rice flour in the cupboard and see if I can make banana bread out of that. It might be a little dense, but maybe it won't taste too bad. And soymilk has more protein in it-maybe it would work better than the rice milk I've used. Ohhhh......I have to substitute the eggs...............well, I read that soy flour can be used as an egg substitute, I'll try that...............Oh crap- She's allergic to bananas, BUT I do have some shredded zucchini in the freezer--I'll just make zucchini bread..........Dangnabbit- forgot she's allergic to that too............maybe I have some canned pumpkin and I'll make pumpkin bread--it's almost fall, that would............BLEEEP..........she's stinkin' allergic to that too........... BLEEP, BLEEP........@%#$&@%$@##&$*^^#@&#$!@*&**!

(disgruntled SIGH)

Where's the freakin' popcorn?!"

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Andrew's 6th

Well, I have a million sappy thoughts running through my head at this moment, but I'll save them just for me. Poor kid, being the firstborn, always has to put up with his Mommy's emotional instability about her first baby growing up.

So...............Andrew is 6! Wow.................................I really can't think of anything to say that isn't sappy........................that's ridiculous!

He said it was his bestest Birthday ever, so I guess that's good. (Hmmm.....delete sappy thought................)

I give up--- out with the pictures!

He asked for a Volcano cake. ( I think my family has it out for me- trying to come up with a cake I just can't make--I always have fun trying!)

Pictures don't really do it justice- It made me wanna get all crazy and go to the science fair or something.Now if only I could come up with a way to make the entire cake explode at the end--That would definitely win a blue ribbon.

He really is a good lookin' kid if I do say so myself! Nothing beats that smile.

Happy Birthday Andrew! We love you and pray that your 6th year will be filled with fun and happiness. Thank you for choosing to be part of our family.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Allergy Update

Well, this is a boring, informational post, for any of you who wanted to know how having a girl has made our life more difficult and severely drained our pocketbook. (most recently at "Whole Paycheck" aka "Whole Foods.")
Just kiddin'! That sounded so mean--didn't it. We adore Ava, but she has not been the healthy horse our boys have been (I say that as Andrew is coughing in his bed!)

To the point--- The first round of Allergy testing on Ava came back Friday- they tested the major allergens and a grain panel. I just got the results over the phone so my insight is limited, and further tests are likely pending when the doctor is back in the office and contacts us.

We were expecting to find milk- obviously, and possibly eggs. Needless to say we were a little shell shocked.

She tested positive for:

Talk about a frustrating trip to Whole foods! Rice and Soy--Yummy! Soy ice cream- not bad, not bad at all. Soy yogurt?? I throw up a little in my mouth every time I think about trying it again.

I could complain and whine about reading 5 million labels only to find that almost everything has one of these ingredients in it, but I refuse to be negative about this. I'm positive the list of allergens will grow as we know other things bother her, so I must look on the bright side.

Her most favorite snack, and my most favorite snack DO NOT contain any of these ingredients! Hallelujah! And she will outgrow this--because I'm certain I may go Mad if she doesn't, and God doesn't want my kids to have a mother that is any more loco than she already is!

Good thing her feet are still safe to eat!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Internet Self-help

"Somebody somewhere is laughing at you right now, because they wrote that crap and you actually tried it!"
-Colonel Mustard

I am a victim of internet self-help. I have an issue-- I research it on the internet. I read far too many articles and determine an appropriate course of action for myself-- or the loved one I'm trying to help.
Most times, I get pretty credible information, but sometimes my efforts--backfire--literally.

I should be embarrassed to admit this, but for your entertainment- I'm willing.

I have a history of digestive issues. My system(part genetic and part diet) just tends to stop working sometimes. The last few weeks I have just felt off and sick enough I was willing to do something about it. Logic tells me to go buy a bunch of yogurt and eat it faithfully, but since I can't have yogurt right now, I did some trusty internet research and learned about a salt water flush.

I can do that, I thought--drink some salt water- stay close to the toilet, and by all accounts feel like a new woman 3 hours later. Let's just say that's not how it went down.

I prepared my salt water mixture, sat down and began to drink. I hate salt, so this was definitely one of the most disgusting things I had ever done, and failed to get the last cup down. I instantly felt sick and spent the next ten minutes wandering from the kitchen to the bathroom,until... it backfired.

Yes, I ran to the toilet and puked it all back up, sending my hypochondriac son running for the hills as he was sure the plague had been unleashed on our house and he would be the next victim.

It took me a few minutes to assure him that Mommy only threw up because she was an idiot, and he would surely not get sick.

So, the next time you're feeling less than chipper, do not turn to the internet for self help advice. the very least, you can cross off the salt water flush from your home remedy choices! (Unless puking is something you like to do!)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Failure to Thrive

What kind of label is "Failure to Thrive?" They may as well call it "Crappy Mom Disease," or how about "Your Mommy needs to find a new day job Syndrome."

They are just words I know, but I can't tell you how my heart sank when the nurse came back in the room with 4 pages worth of test orders, and FTT scribbled in dark black letters at the top of each page, describing a "diagnosis." I know I'm not the world's best mother, but I thought I was pretty good at keeping my kids healthy and getting them to grow properly.

Now for the past two days, poor Ava has been poked, prodded, and stuck to determine if there is a medical reason she is so small. You should have seen the poor phlebotomist about wet herself today when she realized the patient she called was a 13lb. 1 year old, and her orders were for 22 vials of blood. (this on top of the blood already taken for allergy testing just a week ago.--Bless that wonderful lady who finagled with the Lab several times how to overlap testing to utilize what little blood they could get from her. Only one more stick tomorrow.)

Of course we want to make sure she's healthy and there are no underlying medical conditions, but the process is a bit traumatic and disheartening.

And I really wish they could come up with a better term in describing her. Maybe, "Skinny Minnie Syndrome" or "Hypochubbs" or "Noassatall." They would be greatly prefered, as I myself do not see a child who is failing to thrive.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Fast Pass

I'm certain there is a line in heaven--probably a single file, sign in here, get your picture taken with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates sort of line.

AND--I'm certain the line is long- come on, this is Heaven--everybody wants in. One other thing I'm certain of, is that there are select individuals that get a "fast pass" to the front of the line. No waiting, here you go, you won the "get out of line free today" card.

Wanna know who gets one??

It's those people that let you in front of them in the line of traffic- full of insanely rude individuals trying to get home from work 30 seconds earlier. The ones that let you go ahead at the grocery store when your hands are full of crying kids and crap you're buying for them. And let us not forget those people at the amusement park who let you on the ride to spare everyone else from your screaming brat.

I aspire to be one of them. Sometimes it seems easy, and other times (when I'm feeling selfish) very, very hard. So remember, when you want a "fast pass" to Heaven, it's not the Goody Two-Shoes who gets them--or at least that's what I'd like to think!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Happy Birthday Ava

Here's a little something I put together for her Birthday. It could be better, but it's 1:45am, I'm crying now, and I'd give almost anything to rewind and enjoy this year all over again.

Happy Birthday my sweet baby girl! We love you and are so grateful to have you in our family.

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Monday, August 3, 2009

You're invited

Ava is 1!
Please join us for a BBQ to
celebrate Ava’s 1st Birthday!

Saturday August 8th 2009
No gifts necessary.

I know most of you live too far to come, but you're invited anyway. We'll be having a small get together Saturday- if you live close by please come celebrate with us. We can't let her turn 1 without noticing. (be our pretend family for the evening!) RSVP ---the poor kid can't even eat her own Birthday cake :-(