Friday, August 14, 2009

Internet Self-help

"Somebody somewhere is laughing at you right now, because they wrote that crap and you actually tried it!"
-Colonel Mustard

I am a victim of internet self-help. I have an issue-- I research it on the internet. I read far too many articles and determine an appropriate course of action for myself-- or the loved one I'm trying to help.
Most times, I get pretty credible information, but sometimes my efforts--backfire--literally.

I should be embarrassed to admit this, but for your entertainment- I'm willing.

I have a history of digestive issues. My system(part genetic and part diet) just tends to stop working sometimes. The last few weeks I have just felt off and sick enough I was willing to do something about it. Logic tells me to go buy a bunch of yogurt and eat it faithfully, but since I can't have yogurt right now, I did some trusty internet research and learned about a salt water flush.

I can do that, I thought--drink some salt water- stay close to the toilet, and by all accounts feel like a new woman 3 hours later. Let's just say that's not how it went down.

I prepared my salt water mixture, sat down and began to drink. I hate salt, so this was definitely one of the most disgusting things I had ever done, and failed to get the last cup down. I instantly felt sick and spent the next ten minutes wandering from the kitchen to the bathroom,until... it backfired.

Yes, I ran to the toilet and puked it all back up, sending my hypochondriac son running for the hills as he was sure the plague had been unleashed on our house and he would be the next victim.

It took me a few minutes to assure him that Mommy only threw up because she was an idiot, and he would surely not get sick.

So, the next time you're feeling less than chipper, do not turn to the internet for self help advice. the very least, you can cross off the salt water flush from your home remedy choices! (Unless puking is something you like to do!)


AMiller said...

The whole lead up to this story had me wondering why you wanted to throw up. Everybody knows that a whole bunch of salt water will make you throw up. Ha hahaha. I mean, I am sorry for your intestinal problems - they suck soooo bad.

Kristin said...

Well, thanks Amber- No apparently I was out of the loop on the whole salt water throwing up thing! I'm an IDIOT!

Jazz and Rod said...

oh my gosh - Kristin you poor thing! What kinda freak would actually put that on the internet as advice?!?! I don't have anything to offer on this subject unfortunately...but Rod's a pro - you should ask him! :~)
Did you end up finding the whole foods?!