Colonel Mustard left me again--for the browner pastures of Arizona. And while it is not his choice to do so every year, I still don't much like him today.
Since I'd really like to welcome him back with open arms this weekend, I thought I'd try a little reverse psychology to convince myself I'm not really missing anything worth missing.
The truth is, I hate Arizona. I hate that it's sunny all the time. I hate that you can see for miles and miles. I hate the wide straight roads. I hate swimming pools at every house. And I especially hate the people there!
I haven't been back in 5 years, but I'm sure I'm not missing anything. I won't miss seeing Rod and Jazz..or playing games with them. I won't miss the Andersons- they're just my adopted family anyway. I won't miss seeing my niece and her family (though John must be pretty entertaining considering my brother didn't threaten his life for asking to join the family....or did he??) I won't miss seeing Jared and meeting Faith- after all, they are sickeningly cute newlyweds- you know the kind that make you throw up a little in your mouth??. I won't miss the Baileys (or their pool and naked streaking children- do they still do that?) or any of our other old friends and neighbors from Mesa.
Because really---I don't like any of them anymore. I mean Georgia is sooooo much better, why would I want to waste my time in Arizona anyway??
We'll still be here when you get home honey....though I'm not so certain about your last paycheck- we may have to utilize it for our "We Got Left Home" family fun fund!
6 years ago