Friday, October 22, 2010


You ever notice how everyone wants you to take a survey about this that or the other? Just this week, I had to fill out one for the hospital. I guess they got tired of spending 5 minutes on the phone actually speaking with their patients, so they sent out an automated call and told me to go online to fill out a short survey. (it took 30 minutes). So to spite them and their automated system, I was a little less than cooperative.

Has the patient had any previous procedures? Please list the procedure, when, and where it too place.
--"Yes, many--look in your file, I don't remember."

Has the patient had any previous problems with anesthesia? Please be specific.
--"Yes, mostly issues with waking up."

Does the patient have any allergies to food? If yes, please list the allergy and reaction.
--"A more appropriate question would be --What is she NOT allergic to?"

They haven't called to schedule her procedure yet. Me thinks they don't really want to talk to her mother--she's kind of a smart mouth.

Today, Colonel Mustard took a survey for school--and it was a whole different kind of survey--and quite enlightening.

How old are you?
--"I'd rather not answer that."

Were you born in America?
-- "probably not"

What is your biological gender?
--for real? Now we have to specify if we were born male, female, or hermaphrodite?

"Well now, let's see...I was born a male, but I didn't like that thing between my legs, so I had it changed...then I went through puberty, and well, you know...I didn't like that either, so I changed back! Now I think I'm a little of both, but I'm not really sure anymore"

Okay, okay, Colonel Mustard really didn't answer his survey like that....but I really wanted him too. And since he didn't take my suggestions, I think I'll use it the next time the hospital calls.

What is the patient's gender?
--"Ummm....did you want to know his biological gender, or what she is now?!!"

1 comment:

AMiller said...

You make me laugh.