Wednesday, May 4, 2011

My Element

I spent most of my day today working at my husband's office. This isn't really newsworthy because I always work for my husband's office, but I usually do it from home and I usually don't sit in a chair and stare at the wall while doing it. And sitting in his office, staring at the wall, posed a few problems for me.

1. The wall was really boring to look at.

2. The wall was really boring to look at...and I don't get enough sleep to stare at a boring walls.

3. I realized I was completely out of my element.

So I had an epiphany of thought today while staring at that wall...when I was awake that is. It may have taken me almost 8 years to realize, but today I did. My element is not in an office, with co-workers, bad jokes, the smell of other peoples nasty microwaved leftovers, and the need to act politically correct. (which I neither like, nor am I good at.) My element is being a mother.

I am at home waking up in the middle of the night to the cry of "I nuggle Mommy", going to parent teacher conferences, dragging screaming kids out of Publix, barking bed orders for the 15th time, reading stories in strange obnoxious accents, replaying Disney movies endlessly in my head, fretting over grades and milestones and  appropriate bodily functions, baking dozens of cookies and cupcakes, chasing to soccer and baseball and story time, fixing cuts and scrapes and bruised feelings, singing primary songs, washing endless loads of stinking, stained, too small clothing, and generally feeling like I'm just too tired to possibly do it all again the next day. my element. And this, is who I am. And I'll never be important to the world, and maybe that's okay. Because today I couldn't help but think I preferred being home.. and though it's a dirty, thankless, exhausting job, every other job seems pointless and meaningless after this one.

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